6 GAY PEOPLE'S CHRONICLE FEBRUARY 11, 1994

Safer Sex Mythology Series 2

Myth:

66 I can't get AIDS, because I don't

have sex with older guys, just young guys like me.

99

66 Over 600 men in their 20s have gotten AIDS in Ohio--which means they were infected in their teens or early 20s. Age doesn't protect you. Rubbers do?

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PSYCHED OUT

Why can't I get married?

by Mike Radice

I'm not allowed to get married! Homosexual activists have included marriage on the list of things to not do if you are truly homosexual.

These folks should be renamed "deactivists."

If you picked up a copy of the November 30 issue of the Advocate, you likely ran across an insightful article about the current tension surrounding the search for legal rights for our permanent relationships. According to the writer, some of our representative activists believe that homosexuals shouldn't be marrying each other. The new deactivist mantra has become "domestic partnerships, please."

Here are some of the deactivists' reasons, in paraphrased form, for requiring homos to stay single:

1. Getting married is "too heterosexual," and our purpose on earth, as homosexuals, is to be the opposite of heterosexuals.

2. Acquiring the right to marry would be unpopular with heterosexuals-and they'd never let us do it anyway, so why bother trying?

3. It'll pull homosexuals from the ranks of the "out front" activist line, as we'd all be home baking bread and going to PTA meetings.

4. It'll put an end to the "sexual liberation" movement, and would rekindle the Victorian Era.

Am I missing something here, or is it just that I'm an "old-fashioned girl" (sic)?

I believe that one of our basic purposes on Earth is to be what we're designed to be: not to be the opposite of someone else. Using the opinions and behaviors of others

as personal yardsticks destroys self-concept. Self-concept and self-determination are partners in the development of mental health, and we need to stop allowing heterosexuals to define us based on their foreign model. History has proven that giving heteros power over our lives has been cancerous to the homo rank and file. Just ask the homosexual survivors of the holocaust, and any lesbian.

Also, I believe that marriage doesn't necessarily interfere with civil rights activism. The Chronicle, Stonewall Cleveland, the Center, and ACT UP have many “married” saints in their ranks. Believing that your world and community is worth saving and improving, and subsequently acting on that belief, is either "in your blood" or it isn't. Love for a person doesn't kill your love for the world.

In terms of the onset of the Victorian Era, AIDS, and increases in the rape incidence rate, have brought in the velvet drapes and fainting couches. Besides, love can be expressed in many different ways: only one of those is sex.

We should have the legal right to marry the person we love. Having this right will enable us to share our common economic resources, maintain custody of our children, provide public legitimization for our relationships, and will enable us to establish our own marital cultural traditions and rituals. It will also help provide some of the psychological glue needed to encourage us to work through our problems with our spouses.

So, start filling out those marriage license applications. That's how it begins. Just ask the folks in Hawaii.

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